Coach Fairbell from 'Those Who Can't' on TruTV. My comedy album 'Hit the Dick Lights' is on iTunes!
7146 Followers 535 Followings 12392 Tweets 33690 Likes
I feel sorry for whoever has to take Paul Ryan in the Aaron Brothers parking lot tonight at fight club.
1 days ago / 13 Retweets / 117 Likes
Whoa the new Boss Baby ads are intense https://t.co/e4cYqA89Rf
2 days ago / 17 Retweets / 67 Likes
This lost dog is now my roommate. Does anybody recognize her? https://t.co/v3I0HiQHhN
3 days ago / 13 Retweets / 18 Likes
I wonder if they use a lot more of Alec Baldwin's dialog from 'Glengarry Glen Ross' in 'Boss Baby'.
3 days ago / 0 Retweets / 9 Likes
It's a shame that no one on the Mass Effect development team has ever seen human eyeballs or how they move.
3 days ago / 1 Retweets / 8 Likes
Just ate some expired lunch meat then decided to eat some expired hummus because hey if I'm gonna get sick anyway let's use up this food.
4 days ago / 21 Retweets / 112 Likes
"I just read your healthcare bill. And I thought *I* was the one who fucked old people." https://t.co/tSd4rszTWJ
7 days ago / 1786 Retweets / 5318 Likes
*making out later in evenin* her: we shouldnt, ur son is still up me: he'll b asleep soon (heard in distance) damn this pepsi strong as fuck
1 years ago / 1345 Retweets / 4491 Likes
I'm a life coach. I'm 0-1 right now, but still...
7 days ago / 148 Retweets / 731 Likes